the inner voice

The airport goodbyes are always the worst. As my parents left me at Surat airport after two days together, I felt that familiar weight settle in - the one that doesn't lift even as you go through security, board the plane, try to distract yourself. By the time I settled into my seat on the Frankfurt flight from Delhi, the thoughts had only gotten denser. I started browsing the entertainment system as the plane took off, and that's when I watched  Gaman , Muzaffar Ali's 1978 directorial debut. I'd been meaning to watch it for years for it's actors and its songs,  Aap ki yaad aati rahi raat bhar and Seene mein jalan, Aakhon mein toofan,  and then it was something about that very moment - suspended between two worlds at 35,000 feet - made it feel like the right time. Or maybe the worst time. I'm still not sure. When a Film Becomes a Mirror The movie opens with such earthiness, such raw authenticity, that you're immediately transported. Fresh faces then - Far...

The last couple of months have been quite tempestuous for me. One can always feel the storm and turbulence it brings along within when it’s anything to do with fulfillment. If you are not happy, whatever be the reason, it’s bound to convulse your mind. It keeps going back to that issue. No matter what starting point of your argument is, subsequent arguments are framed to your line of thinking and you reach the same conclusion yet again but with increasing intensity. My situation took me to extremes; there was hardly a moment when I was thinking of something else. It almost paralyzes you, so much so that I took a complete break from the situation. I then revisited the challenge. The question haunts and pounds heavily. If it’s not that intense it’s not a big real problem. One also needs to stay comfortable in that uncomfortable zone. That zone could run into days and weeks. The violent shake and prolonged stay in that zone help one carry out some real introspection. You then cannot...